the fact that i feel like i can’t vent anywhere online anymore because people i know are watching and i don’t want to upset or worry them
the fact that i’m really stressing out about money and the future and my financial future and wondering why the fuck i chose this career why couldn’t i be less passionate more intelligent why couldn’t i choose a desk job that could pay the bills why i decided to do this in the middle of a fucking economic recession why why why
or the fact that
my family seems to think i don’t know any of that
seem to think i’m just this stupid innocent naive child
keep telling me to find a suitable career because they don’t know what i’m doing
keep telling me money money money and how my sister can’t re-pay my loans for me i know i know
the fact that i’m so utterly alone in this
and i have to be strong for myself and everybody else at the same time
and sometimes i wonder if that’s too much for me to do
not for lack of trying.
(love, love everyone and everything, and don’t expect anything back.)
in my dreams wherever they might be wherever we might be i am sitting across from you at the diner and you have this look in your eyes like you don’t know how to be around me and read the menu as i take pictures of the salt&pepper shaker, napkin holder, packets of sugar, snap snap snap snap. then…
(Source: yuujincho)
Friend, you’ve never backstabbed me, even when the
arrows rained from heavenly skies and took your
breath to distant places, Apollo’s creed that
fell upon your quivering body. Now I
weep in stanzas that fill my
.
soul with only many regrets, like how the
sun would shine but all I could see was beauty,
yours surpassing all, yet a fool that let the
tides destroy the light of day – that was I.
(Source: yuujincho)
this is what i will never understand: how you made a girl fall in love with you with a touch of the hand.
i want to be, simply put, fucking amazing at acting. i want to blow people away and make them go, “wow, i did not know acting could be done like that before.” i want to move my audience to tears and make them laugh uproariously; i want them to sympathize with my character, feel, truly feel, as if it were the first time in their life doing so, and they just can’t get enough of it. i want their hearts to be shred to ribbons when she cries, i want them to die when she dies. i want i want i want i want i want but i’m so afraid that i will never be able to do so, and that scares me more than anything.
(but what i want more than anything in the world.)
you told me not to cry, because i was better than that, because i was strong. in reality i loved you like i love the moon, everlasting and unwavering, and i could never bring myself to take my eyes away from your bright personage, you beautiful enigma. you speak to me with lips that do not move, in long, mute words echoing across the raging sea, but i seem to hear it all, i hear it all. and i cry as your numb fingers stroke my neck, stroke my spine.
(damn the word love, why did i have to fall in love with you? you who could never love me back, never in a million years, not even for the 4.6 billion years the earth has been alive, and i stupidly dug my fingernails into my palms, clenching my teeth, drowning for eternity.)
